No bride wants to have THAT wedding. You know…the one where people talk about you like a dog and how you didn’t have enough seating and you ran out of food, etc.

There’s an easy way to avoid the drama. It starts with the printing of your invitations. I suggest that all of my brides include a line where guests indicate the total number of people who will be attending. Granted, the invitation may only be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. You would assume that only Mr. and Mrs. John Smith will be attending, right? WRONG. I’ve done sooooo many events where Mr. and Mrs. Smith show up with a couple of extra guests…maybe their house guests who happen to be in town the weekend of your wedding.

I like for guests to tell me in advance that they are going to do something inappropriate. That way, I have time to correct the issue. If Mr. and Mrs. Smith indicate on their response card that a total of four guests will be attending (instead of the two guests you were anticipating,) you or your planner can contact the Smiths. What you say to them might sound something like this:

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Suggestion 1:

Get married in the morning. This is where the open-minded part comes in. Most people want afternoon weddings. However, there was a method to my madness. I knew that a morning ceremony meant an early-afternoon reception, which would be much cheaper than a dinner event. We held an 11AM ceremony at the beautiful Duke Chapel in North Carolina. This is one of the most popular ceremony venues in the state and it was drop dead gorgeous. We didn’t even have to spend money on flowers for the Chapel, because it needs zero decoration.

Suggestion 2:

Hold the reception at a restaurant. We selected a restaurant that was closed during the day to diners on Saturdays, but they did allow private events. I selected this particular restaurant because the venue was beautiful and I knew that it was going to be MUCH more affordable than other area venues. Also, the food was INCREDIBLE. The chef was creative and allowed lots of menu flexibility. In addition, we had access to the restaurant’s entire, very open floor plan. The site also boasted an enclosed courtyard with lots of foliage and a waterfall. Breathtaking.

We opted for lots of passed appetizer items in lieu of a plated meal. We wanted the event to feel like a social affair with lots of mixing and mingling. The menu included barbecue sliders, shrimp and grits in martini glasses, mini cheeseburgers, sweet potato fries, soup shots and various other items butlered by waiters. We also, offered limited alcohol…only white wine and sparkling wine.

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The answer is simple: no.

If your wedding invitation says 4pm, that’s the time the actual ceremony begins. That doesn’t mean you start the ceremony 10 or 15 minutes early so that you can actually walk down the aisle at 4. As with any other event with an indicated start time, your ceremony should start at the time  on the invitation. Also, you don’t want guests arriving a few minutes before 4pm only to be told that they can’t enter because the ceremony has already begun.

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Another question I get quite often is this one: I’m afraid that my guests will be late to my ceremony. Although I want my ceremony to start at noon, is it okay to put 11:30am as the start time to compensate for late guests?

Again, the response to this is no.

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Minister–While many ministers may officiate your event for free (especially if you are a member of the church,) some ministers DO expect to get paid. When adding up the figures, don’t forget to apply a line item of 1% of your wedding budget to your minister. This is especially important if you’re hiring someone to officiate your ceremony or if you expect your minister to travel.

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Tax/Gratuity–You’ve found the perfect venue and the food is delicious! The meal is $40 per person. You calculate $4000 for your 100 guest event. But the math doesn’t stop there! Don’t forget the ++. In the event industry this is plus tax and plus gratuity. If you add 29% for tax and gratuity(service fees or gratuity averages at 20% and food tax varies by state,) your $4000 budget for food suddenly becomes $5160! That’s definitely a surprise you don’t want right before the big day!

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Alethea and Terry had a beautiful ceremony at More Thank Conquerors Faith Church, complete with vows that they came up with on the spur of the moment! Who says you have to agonize for weeks over your custom wedding vows? Just speak from the heart. We love this idea!

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His Story:
Nicci and I had been seriously dating for some time and though she expected a proposal, I decided surprising her was the best way to make it memorable.

For Labor Day, Nicci was headed to her parents house in Denver.  She wanted me to come with her, but I told her I had to go to Houston for work.  Little did she know, I was headed to Denver a few days early to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.

I arrived at Nicci’s parents home and rang their doorbell (they didn’t know I was coming) and formally asked for their blessing (they DID know that was coming).  They said yes, and were excited to be in on the surprise.  A few hours later, when Nicci arrived home, I was waiting upstairs while they welcomed her into the kitchen.  She didn’t notice or ask about the roses on the table and the champagne in the fridge were there. A few moments later, I came down the stairs to pop the question while her parents looked on.

I’ve never before seen anyone so surprised at something so inevitable. Mission Accomplished!

Her Story:
As I walked up to the house, after a three-hours delay because of a severe thunderstorm, my mom swung the door open more excited than usual. I went to the kitchen to the refrigerator to find a snack and though I noticed the champagne that BJ’s family drank on special occasions, I totally thought nothing of it.

The next thing I knew, there was this loud noise from upstairs and I heard BJ’s voice as he stormed down!  I was shocked to see him there and started screaming in excitement.

He suggested that I sit down on the couch and as I sat, he dropped to one knee and popped the question.  He opened a box that contained a twist tie that we made into a makeshift ring as a joke earlier in the year which I had no idea he kept.  Quickly, my mom handed him the real box and inside it was the most beautiful, unique, and flawless asscher­ cut diamond ring.

As I hugged him crying uncontrollably, he told me that he wanted to make sure that my parents, who also graduated from Spelman and Morehouse, were present when he proposed.  Given that my dad has not been in the best of health the past couple of years, this meant the world to my parents who love BJ unconditionally.

Nicci and BJ plan to wed next summer in Denver, Colorado. Congrats to the couple on their unifying black love.

Be sure to share you engagement story with us on our Facebook Page or Tweet us and you may be profiled in Put A Ring On It!

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Her Story:
For my birthday I planned a trip to Las Vegas with my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) Fernando. On our first day in Vegas we ate, walked the strip, gambled and saw the Jabbawockeez at the Monte Carlo Casino.

The next day we decided to check out the view atop of the Paris hotel.    Fernando’s arms were wrapped around me as I watched the Bellagio water fountains dance in awe.  Suddenly I was shocked when he said those four special words, “Will you marry me?”

I was so clueless! Earlier in the day we were joking about walking into the chapels to get married, but I thought nothing of it.  When he asked me to marry him, I thought he was still kidding around but this time he wasn’t laughing with me. After a silent pause he pulled out a gorgeous ring. I was so  shocked and surprised I began to laugh nervously.

I began to tear up as I shook off the nervous laugh and said, “Yes, I will marry you” as the people around us began to clap and cheer.

His Story:
For my beautiful girlfriend Le’Angela’s birthday, I planned a getaway birthday weekend to Las Vegas.  Little did she know I had planned on proposing during the trip.

When we landed and  located our bags, the two of us caught a cab to the MGM hotel. We checked into our Signature room and things looked great even though the butterflies in my stomach began to grow by the second.

To slow things down after a day full of activities, we went to see the water show at the beautiful Bellagio Fountains. At this moment, I noticed Le’angela’s beautiful face glow fin the lights and I decided now was the moment to propose. As I reached into my pocket for the ring, I felt the people around watching us. I got so nervous, my heart began racing and I felt like I was on a ride on the Stratosphere.

When I found the courage to say those four words, the look on Le’angela’s face was priceless.  She was completely caught off guard.

She accepted the proposal and I truly love and appreciate her.  It has been the best decision I have ever made.

Le’Angela and Fernando plan to marry a year from now.

Be sure to share you engagement story with us on our Facebook Page or Tweet us that you are interested!

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Larry’s side of the story:

After I had the open-heart surgery last year, I knew Valerie was going to be my wife. While in recovery, I proposed to her in the hospital because her support was overwhelming. However, I don’t think she took me seriously since I didn’t have a ring with me to give her.

My ring shopping began in February but I had to keep in mind that she is not flashy and doesn’t like wearing big jewelry.

We went to the mall the day the ring was ready for pick up and I pretended to be “tired” so that I could pick the ring up without her knowing. Once we were home I sent her to get something for me upstairs so that I could prepare to ask the big question. From downstairs, I screamed “Val, help” and she rushed down to help me. She ran and found me on one knee; holding on the box in one hand while trying to keep my balance with the other.

I told her that I loved her and that I was ready to do it right this time.  I had a marriage shortly before and did not want to waste another moment without making my next marriage count.

Valerie’s side of the story:

After his surgery, Larry was the first to seriously talk about marriage. The night he was in recovery at the hospital he proposed and I took his proposal seriously though he didn’t have a ring with him.

Not too long after, we went to the mall together for a normal day of shopping.  When we got home, Larry told me he wanted to change his shirt before going back out for his doctor’s appointment.

From upstairs, I heard him yell for help and when I rushed down, I found him barely stable on one knee.

It was hilarious, I didn’t notice the box at first, I thought he was trying to tie his shoe. I started to tease him about his old bones and as I grabbed his hand he said:

“Wait, This is my last time in life doing this. I have to do it right.” Then I saw the box and started to laugh. He opened it, said my whole government name and asked me to trade that in to be Mrs. Valerie Marie Shaw instead. Between laughs, I said yes and he put that obnoxious thing on my finger (I don’t like big rings at all). I’m still very proud of my engagement ring, mission accomplished.

Larry and Valerie are planning their wedding for November 1, 2011; congrats to the unifying black love.

Share your “Put A Ring On It” story with us!  Leave us a message on Facebook or Twitter and you can be featured!

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Nicole’s Story:

To celebrate Brandon’s birthday (August 31) we headed down to Miami to spend time with my best friend LaTanya and her husband Alex. After I spent the day at the spa and after Brandon went “golfing” (which I later found out was a sham), the four of us headed out to a lovely dinner together.

We were waiting on our dessert orders when the waiter suddenly returned with a beautifully wrapped box about the size of a shoe box! He set it down in front of me and Brandon said, “It’s your belated birthday gift. Open it up.”

Inside was a build-a-bear wearing a cute little tuxedo.  Brandon told me to press it’s paw and when I did, his voice played a short message. “All my love is for you, 18:22, if you don’t know what I mean, open up the box and get a clue.” Now I was truly confused, I had already opened the box!

Then Brandon said, “Do you know what the significance of 18:22 is to me?”  Suddenly I remembered him sharing that Proverbs 18:22 was one of his favorite scriptures: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”  I guessed right and he said to me, “Well open the box.”  With a puzzled look, I said: “I just opened the box.”  Then he took my hand and pulled a ring box from his pocket.  I don’t remember what happened next but of course I said “YES!!!”  Then he whisked me outside where a black Porsche was waiting to escort me to a helicopter ride over Miami and Ft. Lauderdale.  I was floored!  When we returned to Miami our friends were waiting to celebrate with us.  It was an amazing night!

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Photography can be a BIG line-item cost for your budget. So, the question is this: Is it worth it?The short answer is yes. Photography is the ideal way to capture the special moments and details of the day. After you’ve obsessed over flowers, linen colors, the design of the cake and your napkin folds, you want to be able to see how everything looks. You’d be surprised how quickly your wedding day passes by and how many details you simply don’t see. A great photographer can capture all of those memories for you.

How do you pick the right photographer? Search wedding magazines and websites for photographers that you like. Examine the styles of different photographers and figure out what you like most. Do you like the fact that one photographer shoots mostly in black & white? Do you like the fact that one manages to capture the sentimental details, like a tear rolling down your father’s cheek? Or do you want someone who offers over-the-top albums?

Many people get shocked when they start shopping wedding photographers. Some photographers start their fees at $1500 and go up as high as $10,000. As a result, many brides are tempted to pay a friend or family member a couple of hundred dollars to bring their digital camera to the church. Yes, this is a cost-effective way to get wedding photos. HOWEVER….remember that this is one of the most important days of your life and probably one of the biggest parties you will ever throw. It’s important to have a professional capture the details of the day. A professional has tons of equipment to balance light and shadow. They often have assistants who can take photos at a different part of the event while the main photographer is shooting something else. They have multiple cameras and backup batteries. They have everything they need to react to emergencies, dark ceremony locations, reception locations that are too bright and zillions of other scenarios that might pop up.

Your family member who has a camera from Best Buy doesn’t have all of the equipment to make your photos to look the best that they possibly can. The flash on their point and shoot digital camera isn’t going to generate enough light to show off your intricate wedding day makeup.

I’ve seen so many brides spend $2000 or $3000 on wedding limos and $300 on wedding photography. I have yet to see a bride who wasn’t disappointed with the end results of the pictures. I always here things like, “They didn’t get a full-length photo of me in my dress,” or “Why didn’t they get a picture of me and my 95-year old grandmother?”

Again, this is one of the biggest days of your life. You hire professionals to handle other aspects of your wedding. Why wouldn’t you hire a professional to capture the images from your wedding day? Your memory will fade, but great photos will last a lifetime. It’s worth it to you to invest in the product that will last forever. You can’t get a do-over on your wedding day if your photographer misses your first kiss or the moment when you jump the broom. Why take the risk? I always suggest to brides that they spend as much as they can afford to on hiring someone who can ensure that the special moments from the day are captured.

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